Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I forget how to act sober
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