Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
