One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
