he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
