i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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