I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
