Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
this boner is exhausting
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
