My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Alive.
So much puke
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
