I should be sponsored by Trojan
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize