did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
