your room smells of hookers.
And success
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
