I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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