Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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