Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Randomize
