yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
