i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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