I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
