Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
