i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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