turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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