There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
