you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
