Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
