I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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