every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
