Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So. Much. Porn.
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