Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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