I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
