the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
