I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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