All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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