Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
