Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
