I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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