then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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