I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
