I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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