3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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