weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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