I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
