oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
