so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
