Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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