1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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