you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
