What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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