I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
