Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Even my vagina gasped.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
