You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
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Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize