I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
