I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
