Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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