Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
