I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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