New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i love accidental penises.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
God I need to hump something, right now.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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