The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
