How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
