I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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