Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
