just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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