I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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