respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
