I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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