Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
