I'm eating all of the evidence.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want to make out with him forever
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
