I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
