The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
