Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the jesus of drinking
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize