I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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