I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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