My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
