all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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