Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
