He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
